I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize