omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
