He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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