plz talk dirty to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
