i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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