I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
