I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
