You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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