she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
