Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
