Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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