nut hugger
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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