Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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