You made me cry and you don't even care
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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