Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I need to stop coming to work sober
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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