I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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