I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
