Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
