Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
