1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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