Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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