ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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