the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
