I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
