Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize