You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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