I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
