Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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