I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
vagina is talking i cant
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
