If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
