so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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