Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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