I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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