I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Less talking, more tequila
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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