Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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