I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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