On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
