My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
