There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
