her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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