So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
