Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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