It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
