This girl is more easily done than said...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
