When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
