batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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