Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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