forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
