the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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