she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
