Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
