just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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