There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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