i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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