I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
