Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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