Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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