your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
