Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize