pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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