Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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