One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
