she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
