Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize