You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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