Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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