i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
