So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
