dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
