oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
