If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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